Guy Ritchie’sSherlock Homeboy: The Hunt for Jude Law’s Next Baby Mama has wrapped up principal photography and is due out this Christmas, but The Mirror claims shit is about to change in a major way. According to sources, Warner Bros. wasn’t exactly blowing jizz bombs over the final cut and has demanded that Guy fix it pronto. They want Guy to re-shoot some scenes and add Sherlock’s arch rival, the evil Professor Moriarty, to the movie.
After being scolded by mommy and daddy, Guy immediately asked his old Snatch friend Brad Pitt to step in as Moriarty. Luckily for Guy, Brad has an open spot in his schedule and is available for the re-shoots. Brad has already arrived in London and will soon begin shooting.
A source said, “It was an oversight in the film not to make a bigger deal about Moriarty. He is mentioned as Holmes’ arch enemy, but the bosses wanted Guy to make more of him. Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr have already shot their scenes. But now that 10 extra days have been added to shoot the new ones, they may be called back for a day or two.”
Because of all the changes, the movie won’t open this Christmas and has been pushed into 2010.
Why bother with Benjamin Button’s?! I recently read that Guy wanted to explore Sherlock and Watson’s homoerotic relationship in this movie, so he could’ve just added a good old-fashioned ass-to-mouth scene at the end to sell more tickets. Nothing puts hos in seats like gay porn. Besides, I always felt that Watson’s face should be covered in man gravy when Sherlock delivers his signature line: “Elementary, my dear Watson.” Just pretend that made sense.
UPDATE: Well, fuck. A spokeswhore for Warner Bros. says this lies. They issued this statement to UsWeekly:“The report in today’s London Mirror is completely inaccurate. Brad Pitt is not joining the cast of Sherlock Holmes and we’re extremely pleased with the production of the film. As planned, it will be released on Christmas Day, 2009. In order to complete the movie, we’ve scheduled a few days on set to shoot a couple of additional scenes, obtain pick-up shots, and perfect some of the visual effects elements, all of which is standard filmmaking practice.”
The giant cloud blocking everyone’s sunshine on the set of Iron Man 2 was not ScarJo’s gigantic chichi balls. No, apparently, Fishsticks Paltrow is the one who brought everyone down. A little while ago, I wrote some post about how Fishy and ScarJo didn’t exchange friendship bracelets or become blood sisters while working together. Fox411 is now co-signing that rumor and adding that even the crew scurried like roaches every time the GOOP QUEEN entered the building.
A source said, “Gwyneth is extremely cool at work. She’s just a step above professional, too snobby. Gwyneth is not friendly to anyone, and tends to make people feel awkward and uncomfortable. She wasn’t outright rude to Scarlett, she just didn’t ever speak to her. Gwyneth went out of her way to avoid Scarlett, and they had zero contact, at Gwyneth’s choosing.”
Fishy must be a real yeast infection of a person, because the crew liked hanging out with her dirty tampon husband instead! The source went on to yap, “Much of the crew didn’t mind hanging out with her husband, Chris, but if Gwyneth ever came around, they scattered! Chris is so chill and relaxed and she is just the opposite. Chris has been a crew favorite since the filming of the first movie.“
In Fishy’s defense, she didn’t talk to Mrs. Ryan Reynolds, because ScarJo’s tittays are fatty and filled with cholesterol. Fishy only surrounds herself with natural healthiness.
And I know these “Fishy is annoying” stories are a dime a dozen, but I really can’t get enough of them. I can totally picture the crew having a zillion laughs with ScarJo when all of a sudden Fishy slithers into the room causing everyone to come down with the dry shits and cotton mouth. Bitch really knows how to eff up your bowel movements.
The entire cast of the newest season of Dancing with the Has-Beens was just announced on Good Morning America and once again, the producers mostly got it wrong! There’s no Spaghetti Cat, no Chicken Cutlets, no Maru, no Empress of Lucite, no Rojo Caliente, no Latarian Milton, no Detective La Toya Jackson and not even Kate Gosselin’s possum head! Anytheresnohopeleftintheworld, here’s the full cast. For every name you don’t recognize, take a shot of liquid DayQuil and Tang. Drink up!
Macy Gray - Alien from the planet Uranus who is responsible for turning 1999 into the year that the song “I Try” never left my damn head! Aaron Carter – The reigning Mr. Meth Face of the Universe! Kelly Osbourne – Hipster Monchhichi! Melissa Joan Hart - Former bff of Brit Brit Spears and star of the critically acclaimed masterpiece Holiday in Handcuffs! Donny Osmond – Annoying person. Kathy Ireland – Christian lamp shade designer. Mya – Singer, actress, Broadway d-lister and Ghetto Superstar! Mark Dascasos - The Chairman of Iron Chef America and the only bitch on this world who truly knows how to introduce a food ingredient! Ashley Hamilton – The former Mr. Brenda Walsh and George Hamilton’s son. And no, he doesn’t look like a water-damaged leather coin purse…yet. Michael Irvin – One of the “most successful wide receivers”in the history of the NFL. FYI: Tommy Girl is one of the “most successful wide receivers” in the history of everything. Tom DeLay – Former house majority leader. Whatever that is. Natalie Coughlin - Olympic swimming gold medalist. Joanna Krupa - Model/actress. Debi Mazar – Hot bitch. Chuck Liddell – An Ultimate Fighting Champion star. Louie Vito – A famous snowboarder-type.
I had to Google half of these bitches for a clue! I mean, even OctoMommy’s uterus is more famous than some of these hos!
However, there are a few brights spot. I’m hoping amazon Macy Gray is the one who will slip, fall and crush Mop Head. Speaking of, who do you think Mop Head will use her black magic voodoo powers on first? My guess is MYA. Bitch better sleep with a Swiffer under her bed if she knows what’s good for her.
Oh, shit! I thought this was a picture of a broken down Ruth Bader Ginsberg making a Strawberry Hill run. No, this is Steven Tyler with actor Chuck Slavin at Pembroke Center Liquors in Massachusetts on Saturday. I CAN’T!
Here’s a little video of Steven at the liquor store. Steven is a recovering alkie, but I don’t think he was buying any of the sweet nectar. By the looks of him, he just wanted to pick up a bag of Brach’s caramels and some Geritol.
And here I was thinking that Leonardo DiCaprio picks out his next date by browsing through the newest Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition catalog and filling out the order form, but dude actually does the work too! Leo isn’t afraid to jump into a sea of hos and get dirty.
At the VIP Room in St. Tropez last night, Leo cuddled up to a few future ex-girlfriends. You know Leo’s idea of a pick-up line is, “Hey, baby, why don’t you show me your comp card.” If you haven’t been featured in the pages of Victoria’s Secret, Maxim or JcPenney’s panty section, then Leo has no time for you.
And is that a Cheeto ball in Leo’s mouth in the third thumbnail below? Naw, couldn’t be. Because if it was, the coochie lips of a certain Spears would be on the other end of that Cheeto nut.
This news is going to make OctoMommy swallow a fertility clinic whole, because bitch is going to have to step up her baby game. The Sun says that a woman in Tunisia is about to turn her snatch into a popcorn machine by giving birth to 12 BABIES!!!!! And if you just queefed, that was your uterus dry heaving.
Doctor confirmed that the human baby machine’s instant child army will consist of six boys and six girls. The woman conceived the babies after going through a series of fertility treatments. The soon-to-be DodecaMommy wants to give birth naturally, but doctors have told her that her pussy will literally explode. That’s exactly what he said, the doctor said, “Mam, I am a doctor and my medical expertise tells me that your pussy will explode. Literally.” Not to mention, that if she turns her vag tunnel into a water slide, Raging Waters will file a copyright infringement lawsuit against her.
The father of the babies told the press, “In the beginning, we thought that my wife would give birth to twins, but more fetuses were discovered. Our joy increased with the growing number.”
Yeah, as they were crying tears of joy, her lady parts were crying tears of pain. If Miss Clown Car Conductor is wondering why there’s a white flag sticking out of her vagina, somebody should tell her that it’s her uterus begging for MERCY.
Lily Allen got all emotional while performing in Finland last night, because she had a moment of clarity and realized her eye area was covered in Glamberace’s glittery ass jelly. No, apparently Lily fucked up her back by bending over the mirror too fast the night before. Lily got a Paula Abdul Special injected into her butt cheek to ease the pain, but it wasn’t working. If it’s not working, do it again and again! That’s Paula’s advice.
Lily told the crowd, “I feel a bit emotional tonight and if I cry it’s not because of you but because of me.“
Doesn’t Lily know that there’s no crying in chick rock! Lily should’ve taken a page out of Patrick Wolf’s handbook and threw a mic or spit at a bitch. That is the professional way to handle a meltdown.
